I feel like I should write, but I don't want to. It may seem like when I write often it's because I'm having my difficult times. It's really the opposite though. The last few days have been rough. When I'm doing my worst, I don't write. I don't call anyone. I can't think. I don't do anything. I shut down. I literally shut down. Try to turn my emotions off and go numb. Sometimes I miss the numb stage.
I want to write about Easter, and what it meant to me this year. I want to write about what this 9th was/is like, 5 months of missing him. But like I said, it's been a rough few days. It's hard to keep my focus enough to write. So everything that I'm feeling now will have to wait to come out until I can sort through it.
Marcellus, I really really miss you today. That's all I really have to say. I just miss and love you so much my sweet, beautiful, wonderful son! xoxox
My journey of mothering my sweet boy that I hold in my heart, but not in my arms.
I'm so sorry you are having a really bad few days. I am in the middle of a real "low" at the moment too (not that I really have any "highs" but if there is a base line for coping and not feeling totally engulfed by grief I'd say I'm below it today). I hate the way these days come out of no-where and I am never sure when I am going to come back out of it. I just wanted to say to you that I understand and that hopefully in a few days this extra tough time will have passed and things will feel a little easier. Sending you a hug across the internet xxx
ReplyDeleteI was told that as you draw near to the six month mark, it is almost like a new wave is triggered. I found that to be true for us....add that to Easter, which was so emotional that first year for me, it can feel like you are in a dark place that you'll never get out of. If you don't want to come out or you're stuck there for awhile, don't worry. We're still here....sitting with you. Much love to your hurting heart.
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