Wow I haven't written in a long time. I think this is the longest I have in between posts. A little ironic since two posts ago I wrote about how I need to blog more. It's not that I don't have anything to write about. I have TONS to write about. Besides the 5 or so drafts I have saved, so many big things have gone by that I want to write about. To name a few, Father's Day, my nephew's first birthday, 4th of July, being away from my husband for the first time, 8 months and some major changes I've made recently. Yes, there is a lot to write about.
Of course there's also Marcellus. I could just write and write and write about him. Write and write and write about how much I love him. Write and write and write about how much I miss him. I do, I miss him so much.
But I've been busy. Literally, go go go go nonstop.And if I do get a moment to breathe, I've been avoiding the painful breaths. The ones where I go to this place, this place that this blog is for. So I haven't been writing. Yes, I've been very busy. But I can find time to write. I'm finding that time right now, aren't I? But when I have had the time, I don't want to. That's what too much busyness does to me. It's good to an extent, but this is too busy right now. I think it will slow down here in a week or so. Then I'll have time to breath and cry and hurt for my baby boy. Everyday I think of him, I miss him, I love him, I ache for him. But when I'm so busy I feel like I don't have time for grief. And I can tell it's been a little too much lately. Thank goodness for therapy. Part of the reason I can tell I'm too busy is that when I'm in therapy for an hour and everything else has stopped, I'm a wreck. I bawl through the entire thing. My poor therapist, having to deal with me. But we're working on things. I'm making progress.
I just need to get through this busy season of my life and then I will spend some time sorting through the craziness that is my head.
Dear Marcellus, sorry I've been so busy lately. You know that doesn't mean I don't think of you, right? I think of you A LOT. All the time really. You're always there. It's just I haven't had much time to really spend with you and I don't like that. But I'll be visiting you soon in MN. The trip is part of the reason I'm so busy now, I have a lot to get done before then. I will spend some very quiet time with just you baby boy. Mommy and Marcellus. I love you right up to the moon and back my little mister! xoxox