Actually I don't want a blog at all. I didn't even know much about or search out blogs until after Marcellus died. His death is the only thing that brought me to blogging. I craved reading real words by real moms that have been through something similar. Especially those weeks immediately following Marcellus's death, I needed to read others' words...the words I could not form myself. The blogs I found, they were speaking what was in my heart, what I was feeling.
Reading other blogs is what prompted me to start my own. So, as I look back on that first post written just one month after my sweet boy took his last breath, I still feel the same about this blog as I did then.
"I don't know what I hope to accomplish with this blog. I don't know if I'm doing this just for me, for Marcellus, for others that may come across this blog. I don't know exactly what I will talk about. I just don't know. What I do know is that I will tell Marcellus's story; I will share his life with others."Have I succeeded in telling his story? Sharing him with others? My story is his story. I am who I am because of him. I am his mommy.
I struggle with what this blog should be. And maybe that's part of the problem. This blog should have no definition, no guidelines. It is my place to come. My place to write to the universe. To write about the pain, the love, the heartache, the hope, the good, the bad, the darkness, the light, the grief, the joy anything and everything that has to do with Marcellus.
Marcellus, I want to write more. More to you and more in general. It helps me sort everything out. It also helps me to feel connected to you. This is not just my blog, this is our place. Mommy and Marcellus. Loving you always sweet boy! xoxox.