I have been MIA lately because of our trip to MN. We got back late last night after spending a couple of nights staying at Mike's brother's house outside of St. Louis. I do have a lot to write about, issues getting the headstone, the headstone itself, spending time with family, and a million other things I've had on my mind for awhile now.
I thought I would start today by writing about some problems we came across getting Marcellus's headstone (don't worry, we do like the stone itself...we just had issues getting everything done on time), but after being gone I decided to veg out all day...well, that and do laundry. I will get back on schedule tomorrow and that will include a more formal blog post. I want to wait to share the good about the headstone until after I get a rant in and that post will include pictures. I also want to tell you about my time with my nephew, who has hand foot and mouth right now...poor guy!
There is one thing I did want to write about quick while I am on. It's about leaving MN. We left my hometown on Sunday morning. Of course the last thing we did before we left town was stop at the cemetery. Let me tell you I was having major anxiety about leaving Marcellus behind again. This trip was the first time we had been back since our time there right after the funeral. It's the first time in a very long time I was able to take care of my baby boy's spot. To bring him things in person and put them out there myself. It was very very hard to leave. I kept saying "I don't want to leave him!"
Now I rationally know that spot is just where his body lies. That he is not actually there, that his soul is in Heaven. But that is very difficult to handle sometimes and the fact that his physical body is there is enough to make me super attached to that place. Finally we left, probably at Mike's prompting because this momma would have stuck around all day. I told Marcellus how sorry I was we lived so far away and that we had to leave. Sometimes I feel guilty I am not there to take care of his spot the way I would if I lived closer.
We left town and got on the interstate. As we get onto the interstate there was a hawk sitting on the road sign. We believe hawks are a sign from Marcellus. We started seeing them frequently after his funeral. We may not see them quite as frequently now, but we do see them at pivotal times. And this was one of them. He was sitting there on our way out of town. It was as if he was reminding me, "Mommy don't worry about leaving my body here. I am always with you wherever you are." Seeing that hawk may not seem like a big deal to some. But to me it meant everything that my baby boy stopped to tell me he understood we couldn't stay.
Marcellus, thank you for the message when Daddy and I were leaving. That meant everything to me sweet boy. It was so very hard to leave your spot...just as hard as the last time. It won't be so long until the next time we are back though. I know Grandma will take very good care of everything. I miss and love you so so so very much!!! xoxox.