A friend emailed me and said, "I looked at you blog today, and I love what you've done with it! I love the sweet pictures of Marcellus you've added on top. It looks so much more personal now, and I can see how proud you are to share him with the world." She didn't know Hannah did all the work. But I did pick out those pics of Marcellus and yup, I am one proud momma showing of my boy!
I almost feel like a real blogger now. I think I want to share my blog with more people, but I don't know how to go about "advertising" it. Of course I could plaster it on facebook, which maybe I will. I personally gave out my blog address to some close friends. Friends who you know who really want the truth to the question "How are you doing?" I linked it on my March for Babies page and I know some people have found it through there. I guess what I worry about with putting it on facebook or something similar is that I might feel vulnerable. The friends that I've shared the link with I know are super supportive. People that have found my blog through March for Babies were on that page to support our fundraising efforts in Marcellus's name and so are probably pretty supportive. But what if by sharing it more publicly I run into someone who isn't supportive? Maybe thinks I'm being too negative, depressed, or that I should "get over it", or anything like that. That's where I get nervous.
Does the good of sharing my blog outweigh the risk of some negative comments? I think so. I hope so. This blog will always first and foremost be for myself and for Marcellus. But if Marcellus and I can help people in some way, then I feel like I need to reach out. If it's helping a fellow loss mom know she's not alone, that her feelings aren't crazy, that someone else has done this before her and is doing this with her. If it's helping someone whose friend's baby has died try to understand just a shred of what their friend is going through and how they can be supportive. If it's just telling the world that Marcellus lived and sharing his life with others, helping them realize how precious of a gift life really is. If this blog can do any of those things, which I hope it can do, then I feel I should share it.
Just the other day I was talking to Hannah about if I should share my blog with more people or not. Ironically (or not so ironically) that same day I received an email from someone who had heard of my blog through someone else who saw it on my March for Babies page (did you catch all that?). She said,
I just wanted to thank you so much for writing. It can't be easy. I spent several hours reading what you had written, and wanted to share a couple things. First and foremost, thank you so much for sharing about Marcellus's LIFE. Please know that he has made an impact on me. I have been thinking about legacy a lot lately, and I truly believe that Marcellus has left a legacy. His life is impacting and teaching people, making our hearts bigger.I think that's my answer. While I have never hidden my blog, I want to intentionally share it, to share Marcellus's life, his legacy. I'm nervous, and I may feel vulnerable, but here it goes!
So, if this is your first time here, welcome. Please don't hesitate to read any of my old posts. I only ask that you be supportive and respectful of my feelings and grieving process. Thanks for visiting and wanting to know more about my precious baby boy!
Oh and the music player to the right has a couple of songs that have been important to me. The video slideshow on the bottom is something else Hannah has done for me. It plays "I Will Carry You". I've shared that song in a post before, but this is the boy version. The slideshow ends with a short video of Marcellus in the NICU that gives a small example of why I call him my squirmy wormy. He would always move like that would I would hold him on my chest during kangaroo care.
Marcellus, Mommy's a little nervous about sharing our place with so many people. But that's okay, it's okay to be nervous. I want to share your story though, our story. I want to share what it's like to be your mommy. It's hard being your mommy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. You are doing so much good sweet boy, helping so many people. 12 days on this earth and you've accomplished more than your momma has. I'm so proud of you! Love your right up to the moon and back and miss you like crazy! xoxox.