Monday, February 20, 2012


Like most places around the country we have had a pretty mild winter here in NC. While it doesn't snow often here, it does snow a few times each year (at least it has every winter since I've been here and this makes winter number 4). Well, last night was the first snow of the season.

Being from MN and used to snow we usually don't get too excited or worked up about it. But last night was different. Last night's snow is what would have been Marcellus's first snowfall. It started out as freezing rain and eventually turned into decent snowflakes. There was a bit on the ground when we woke up this morning, but it has been long gone with warmer temps today. Really nothing too spectacular. But last night as it was snowing all I could think about was Marcellus's first snow. How I would have wrapped him up and stood in the open doorway with him watching the flakes fall. He wouldn't understand what the snow was, but that's okay. I'd point out to him and tell him about the snow and how in MN where his grandparents and aunt and uncles are that snow happens a lot more. That maybe someday we'd move back there and there would be enough to play in.

I wonder if he would have liked the snow. I know I did as a kid. I remember seeing a picture my mom has of me at a pretty young age. I'm all bundled up and in the backyard just walking in the snow. She said that's all I did was just walk around in it. I loved it. I remember playing with my sister and brother out at my grandparents farm where sometimes there were huge drafts and plenty of room to make snow forts. And going sledding with the neighborhood kids. In fact, I still take my little brother (he's 11) sledding when I can. Last year Mike and I took him when we were in MN for Christmas. We brought Perk and he got to go too. We've been able to take Perk sledding, but never will be able to take Marcellus. I think he would have loved it.

This year because of being in MN for Marcellus's funeral we didn't go back for the holidays. The snow last night was the first snow that Mike and I saw this winter. It snowed the day after we left MN for NC and times since, so Marcellus had his first snow then. But last night, that was our first snow together. And I felt it. I felt something special about the snow last night. I went outside and just stood in it. Staring up into the sky and talking to my baby boy.

Then I thought, I wonder if in heaven there is snow. Maybe there is snow without it having to be cold or getting all wet when you play in it. And maybe someday I will build snow forts, snowmen, make snow angels, and go sledding with my son. We'll have the fastest sled ever and have the biggest snow hill to go down. We won't even have to worry about walking back up the hill, we'll just fly.

Marcellus, I wish I could have experienced the snow last night with you in my arms. Did you enjoy it, our first snow together? Even though you're not here, I know you were sharing it with me. Someday we'll be able to do all those fun snow activities together baby boy. I especially want to take you sledding, Momma loves to go sledding. Missing and loving you squirmy wormy! xoxox

1 comment: