Molly Bears

If you haven't heard of Molly Bears, you should. They are amazing.

"Molly Bears is a non-profit organization that creates weighted teddy bears for families coping with infant loss. MollyBears.com is also an online community of support for families that have suffered a death of an infant." (this is from their facebook page)

They make the teddy bears the same weight as your angel. A fellow BLM (baby loss mom) told me about Molly Bears a couple of months ago. I instantly knew I wanted to get a Marcellus Bear. They do not charge for the bears and rely solely on donations. Due to the (unfortunately) high demand, they only open the wait list up on the 30th of every month. It is quite lengthy and can take a year or more to get your bear.

They do, however, offer monthly donation drawings. I put my name on the wait list on Dec 30th. Right away in January I saw information about the donation drawings. They have two drawing options. One is that they have $90 donation slots open where you get your bear made right away. The other is that each time they reach $150 in donations they draw a name from the donators (of at least $5 each). For either you don't have to already be on the wait list. Well, I couldn't wait and I couldn't risk not winning a drawing. So I went for it. I did the $90 donation at the beginning of January.

And on Monday, Marcellus Bear found his way home!

Marcellus Bear with a framed picture of Marcellus (when he was 6 days old). In the background is a prayer shawl someone from The Compassionate Friends gave us. 

Here's our furbaby, Perkie, loving on Marcellus Bear. Perk never got to meet Marcellus outside of the womb. He did get kicked by Marcellus once while laying his head on my belly though. Perk would have been such a good protective, but gentle big brother.

Marcellus Bear weighs 3 pounds 2 ounces, just like Marcellus did at birth. The bear happens to be 16 inches long, the length Marcellus was at birth (this is coincidence). Marcellus Bear is also super soft and reminds me of how it felt to rub my fingers on Marcellus's hair. He has a blue sparkly heart button and there are owls on the ribbon and an owl patch on his foot. When requesting your bear there is a spot for special instructions where you can list things to personalize your bear. They ask you to list things that remind you of your angel. Of course the end result depends on the materials they currently have. I gave a list of 5 things when requesting Marcellus Bear.

1. His story is "Guess How Much I Love You"
2. His nickname is squirmy wormy
3. He wore a pumpkin hat
4. He is buried with a stuffed penguin and Mommy has one too
5. We were going to use owls in his nursery, but never got a chance to decorate before he was born.

Honestly, I thought I wanted the owls the least. That's why I listed them last. When Marcellus Bear arrived and I saw the owls though, I was so excited! I thought I didn't want them because we never used them. I was afraid it wouldn't make me think of Marcellus. But because we didn't get to use them in his nursery is why I think it is perfect Marcellus Bear has owls. Yes, we never decorated with owls, but we had stuff picked out and it was a plan we had for Marcellus. Because we were going to use them for Marcellus, we will probably choose to never use them for (hopeful) subsequent children. Meaning we would never get to use them. Also, after Marcellus's funeral Mike and I bought a journal to write to him in. The only one that came even close to being connected to Marcellus was one in the same style of owls we were going to use for his room. That happens to be the same style of owls on Marcellus Bear's ribbon.

Being able to feel the weight of Marcellus Bear on our chests helps us remember what it was like when we had Marcellus snuggled up on our chests during k-care. The bear provides some comfort for my aching empty arms and gives us something concrete to hold during tender moments. Of course more than anything I wish that we had Marcellus and not Marcellus Bear. Instead of a baby, I have a teddy bear. But since Marcellus isn't here, we are so thankful for the work of everyone at Molly Bears and the comfort they provide families that have losses. And thank you Molly Christine for the great big impact your little life has left on this world.

Please consider donating to Molly Bears regardless of if you have a loss or not. Any little bit will help them provide comfort to angel families.

Marcellus, thank you for guiding the Molly Bears maker to create the perfect Marcellus Bear for us. When we are snuggling and holding Marcellus Bear tight, know that we are showing our love and longing for you. I would give anything to cuddle as a family with you like we have been able to do with Marcellus Bear. Mommy loves and misses you little mister! xoxox