Olivianna

I have had a song on repeat for the last few days. It's called Olivianna and is by JJ Heller. It is absolutely beautiful. I haven't heard any of JJ Heller's other stuff (at least not that I know of). The song is written about a precious little girl with a gorgeous head of hair named Olivianna. She was diagnosed with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH) in utero and lived for 11 minutes. You can read her story here, on her mom's blog.

This post on Amber's blog talks about how the song came to be (scroll down toward the end, it's a lengthy post). A friend told JJ Heller about Olivianna's story and JJ Heller read Amber's blog. She was so touched that she reached out to the family about writing a song about Olivianna. How lucky they are to have this song written specially for their beautiful baby girl. Olivianna will forever live on through this song and continue to touch the lives of others. JJ Heller actually takes words and phrases from Amber's blog posts and puts them into the most beautiful song. It does such a good job combining the darkness and pain of losing your child with the hope of seeing them again.

Like I already said I have had this song on repeat lately. Hannah Rose made me a CD with songs for Marcellus. Okay, she actually made me two because she's awesome. Olivianna is number 5 on the first one. I've been blasting it in the car, playing it at home. I have even been changing the lyrics for Marcellus. Please take a moment to listen to this heart felt, touching song. I find it amazing that JJ Heller can sing it with so much emotion without having gone through it. From just having read the words of Olivianna's mommy.



Here are the lyrics, Marcellus style. My changes are in between *'s.

"Hearts broke, when your heart stopped beating.

I don’t know if mine will ever stop bleeding.

*12 days* to breathe you in,

I felt the darkness when I knew I couldn’t hold you again,

When I knew I couldn’t hold you again.
*Marcellus*,

You’re in the arms of God,

Just a moment there, is better than here.
Life is short but it is wide, I know it’s true.

You touched, more souls than most people ever do.
*Marcellus*,

You’re in the arms of God,

Just a moment there, is better than here.
You could not stay with us

We will come to you

You could not stay with us

You’re going home, love

Where you belong

Oh my baby *boy*,

I’ll see you soon.
*Marcellus*,

You’re in the arms of God,

Just a moment there, is better than here.
*Marcellus*,

You’re in the arms of God,

Just a moment there, is better than here."

It's a little tricky to get Marcellus to flow as nicely in the song as Olivianna. But I make it work. Mike chuckles at me every now and then when I stumble, but I know Marcellus doesn't care (or maybe he's laughing at his momma too!). 

The song touches my heart every single time I listen to it. The pain she sings about at the beginning, yes I know that all too well. But every time I hear her sing "You're in the arms of God." I just think of how my sweet baby boy is safe. Of course I want him here with me more than anything, but he is safe. And the "You could not stay with us. We will come to you," reminds me that yes one day I will see my squirmy wormy again! And I can not wait. One day Mike and I will be able to go to our baby boy and it will be even more joyous than when we went to him in the NICU. As hard and painful as this is to be on earth without him. It is worth the wait to see him again in Heaven.

Marcellus, tell Olivianna that I am thankful for her special song. It's amazing she inspired someone to write something so beautiful. I miss you so much baby boy and this is so very hard without you. But we will be together again! Until then, you just let God hold you and keep you safe. Momma will be there soon enough, even if it seems like forever to me. You'll always be my little squirmy wormy. I love you oh so very much! xoxox.