Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A year ago: October 23rd, 2011

Still a day behind, but oh well. The 26th is the day I don't have anything to write about, so my "A year ago" series will get caught up then.

Read about the other days:
October 21st, 2011
October 22nd, 2011

A year ago yesterday: Sunday, October 23rd, 2011
I was 28 weeks pregnant. Mike had to work that day. Either 9-5 or 11-7, I can't remember which. But I took him to work (we are a single car family), so I could run some errands. Now anyone that knows me knows I hate to run errands and do any shopping myself. The main reason I needed the car was to get Angela's birthday present. I was late (as usual) getting it sent out. I always get her the Precious Moments birthday train, so I needed to go to Hallmark.

I went to the mall to go to Hallmark and got her present and a card. While I was there I decided to stop at Motherhood Maternity. I bought a few long sleeved t-shirts and looked around at some other stuff while I was there. I found some pajamas (with the top being convenient for nursing) that I really wanted. They came with this robe (but just regular pajama material) that I really wanted. I almost bought it that day, but then instead decided to ask for it for Christmas.

I also went to Target that day. I can't remember which one I did first, mall or Target. But somewhere in between my good friend that was planning our baby shower called. She wanted to talk details about the baby shower as invitations were about to go out. So I told her how we were registered at the cloth diaper store and that we planned on registering at Buy Buy Baby on Monday. I told her all my plans for the day and running around I was doing. She knew that it wasn't typical for me.

I can't remember if I had an initial reason for needing to go to Target, but while I was there I decided to look at desks. In preparation for our baby Mike and I had talked about down-sizing our desk. We live in a two bedroom town home and the baby's room was always going to second as the office. We were planning on leaving a desk in there for me to work at. The one we had at the time (and actually still have it because since Marcellus never came home, we never had a reason to move it out of there) is big and bulky, with drawers on the side and everything. I found one in a color I liked that is just a computer desk. It is small, but functional and probably takes up about half the space as the old one. I sent Mike a picture of it and asked him what he thought. He said go for it, so I bought it. I got it into the cart myself (probably shouldn't have, but I just slid it off the shelf) and then had a worker bring it out to my car.

My next stop was Office Max. To go with our new desk I wanted to find a new chair. We actually never had an office chair up until that point. We just had a padded folding chair. I figured I'd be working from home a lot more once the baby was here, so I needed something more supportive and comfortable. I sat in probably every chair they had their and grabbed the slips of the ones I liked. I didn't want to buy that without giving Mike a chance to sit in them. Not too long before this shopping trip I had been looking at gliders on Craigslist. I found one I really wanted to buy for nursing, but it got sold out from under me. That day in Office Max, I realized if I got the right office chair and combined it with a nursing stool, it would work just fine for breastfeeding baby. So I especially looked for once that would rock a little bit.

I went to the public library that day and checked out a ton of books. I don't remember exactly what I checked out, but they were all baby related. I think one was about breastfeeding, there were some on natural/organic living with a baby. I was looking forward to reading them. While I was pregnant with Marcellus I would read anything pregnancy/birth/parenting related that I could get my hands on. I wanted to be as informed as I could be.

I also went swimming at the pool on campus that day. I had gone a couple of times before. I'm sure I looked like a huge dork in my maternity swim suit, but I enjoyed going. I did a lot of walking in the water, some lap swimming (but I'm not very good at that), treading water, and some just floating around. Even though I was just into my 3rd trimester, it felt good to be weightless in the water. Just me and my baby floating around together. I tried to imagine what it was like for the baby to be floating around in the amniotic sac as I floated in the pool.

I picked Mike up from work and showed him the stuff I got. I was antsy to get the desk together, but he didn't want to because he had some studying to do. He was just going to leave it in the car. I got my letter written to Angela's parents, and my card and gift together for her. It HAD to get out the next day. I already knew it wouldn't be there on time because I have to send things through the adoption agency, but I wanted it to be as soon as I could. I had already put it off enough. Quite coincidentally I spent last night doing the same thing. I read the letter I sent a year ago and I can feel my excitement in the words. It was probably the first time I wasn't dreading her birthday as much. Not that it still wouldn't be hard and I wouldn't still miss her. But I was pregnant with my baby, my baby that was just going to me mine and Mike's. My baby I was ready for and going to get to be a mother to.

After I finished getting things together for Angela I talked Mike into putting the desk together. I seriously was just so damn antsy to get that thing up. I don't know why it mattered, we were supposed to have 12 more weeks until our baby was born, plenty of time to get everything ready. I honestly think part of me was nesting. I just didn't know that it was nesting because it didn't make sense to my brain that I needed to be getting ready for my baby to come soon. But for some reason, I was. I literally just felt like I HAD to do those things. I had to get that desk that day and Mike had to get it put together.

Before the night was over we took a belly shot. We were trying to do them every two weeks, but it had been four weeks since the last one. For some reason I remember being slightly crabby that night. Not sure why, maybe just from running around all day I was tired. And of course there's the whole pregnancy hormones thing, so who knows if there was even a reason. But thank God we did do one even though I was crabby and didn't really want to! It's my last belly picture with Marcellus, taken 5 days before he was born.

I was so big! I fee like I was as big as some people are when they go full term. But again, I loved that big belly. I actually kind of liked being big. I am thankful we have pictures from that night so I can look back and see what I looked like right before Marcellus was born. I would be super upset if we didn't.

Marcellus, look how big Momma was with you in there! You sure did know how to grow being a big boy for your gestation. Did my body know something that I didn't that day? That you were coming soon and I needed to get ready. I wish it didn't know that because I wish you hadn't come so early. You weren't ready and so we shouldn't have had to be ready. And even though I did all those things, it didn't matter. You never got to come home anyway. I never got to nurse in that chair or sit and do work at that desk as you slept. I barely even got to wear those shirts that I bought while I was pregnant with you. I think I wore one once while pregnant and one once when you were in the NICU. I've worn them a lot more now being pregnant with Beamy. I hope you don't mind sharing with your little brother/sister. Ever time I do wear something I got from when I was pregnant with you I think of that time. That time of carrying you and being so happy and excited to be growing the way I was. Did you enjoy going swimming with Mommy? It felt like a special time for us. I went get in my lane and zone out the rest of the world. Just you and me in the water. I am thankful for ever moment we had together sweet baby boy. Even these memories of when I was pregnant with you are so very special. I miss that time. I miss being pregnant with you. I miss having you here my love. I just miss you so so very much. I love you right up to the moon and back! xoxox.

No comments:

Post a Comment